I'm figuring out that life is not a long, straight drive down a newly paved road with nothing on it but me. It's a rickety roller-coaster with rusty wheels that need periodical greasing. Steep climbs with breath-taking views at the top and heart-stopping dives with near-death experiences next to cliff edges. Sitting next to a loved one that sometimes wants to push you out, and vice versa, but that, mostly, you want to hang on to with all your strength. Feeling somehow energized, enlightened, and gaspingly short-winded and small-minded all at the same time. How is this possible? 18 years ago I was a single girl with no IDEA of what the future held for me, but hopeful. Here, in the present, I am a happily married mother of 6, with no IDEA of what the future holds for me, but hopeful, if a little overwhelmed at times! Sometimes I feel like I could conquer the world, at other times like the world just got up and sat down on me. I like the former better. What do people do who don't know who they are and where they can turn for help? I would be a complete wreck. Sometimes my only salvation from my own self-imposed insanity is going to church on Sunday, and it's a trick getting there...but I'm always so glad I did. What do people do who don't know they can pray and get help? If they don't have the faith that there is a God who loves them and answers their need, sometimes before the words are even expressed out loud. I am feeling so grateful for this knowledge! I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love him...I have so many shortcomings and weaknesses! but...He loves me anyway. What merciful compassion. I find myself telling my children things like, "When you make good choices, you are happy...when you choose bad things, you are sad...why would you want to not be happy??" And then catch my breath....so obvious!
It's been snowing off and on pretty hard today. We were going to go see my brother and sis-in-law today and cut down a tree, but ended up buying a pre-cut for the first time in several years. Turns out we're surrounded by nat'l forest, but can't cut a tree in it unless we drive for a long time. We'll remember that next time and go closer to Thanksgiving when the weather's a little better.
I miss my Mom and Dad. Rob's mom came to stay for a couple of days. The older kids went to visit the Reeder grandparents a little while ago and they're going again next week. It's been a month since I've seen my folks, and a long time before that. COME VISIT! Stay a couple of days! The kids need you. We all need you. Be no more strangers!
Friends in Logan. I'm grateful for email. Thank you, friends, who write to me. It has been a difficult 5 1/2 months. I didn't know how much I would miss my friends in Logan. I've always been the one who has moved and moved on without too much thought. Not this time! Even with some very good friends here, I have not wanted to be forgotten in Logan. How do you keep friends that you thought you'd be near forever after you move? Haven't figured that out. Blogs seem a little impersonal sometimes.
Isn't it great we have Christmas right at the darkest time of the year? I've never really thought about that before...Winter solstice coincides with the celebration of the birth of the light of the world. We've been getting the most incredible sunrises lately-pink all over the sky and cool cloud shapes. Who gets to paint those??
13 years ago
